12th Week @ 12 Galaxies

"ASK DR. HAL!" CELEBRATES 12TH SHOW AT THE 12 GALAXIES IN THE TWELFTH MONTH of 2006 (2x6=??)!!





ALL- NEW QUERIES & ANTIPHONS, MYSTERY GUESTS
WEDNESDAY
December 6th
This Week:
KrOB PRESENTS ALL-NEW DINOSAUR TERROR-EDIT
A Tyrannosaurus rex Visits San Diego!
Giant Flesh-eating Dinosaur Stomps through Republican-infested SoCal Suburbs
AND Special Appearance by
Mr. (or Ms.) Mysterioso (or Mysteriosa)
OUR MYSTERY-SHROUDED GUEST STAR
We can't announce our Mystery Guest this close to press time. For "special reasons" of his own, showman Chicken John is keeping his (or her) identity a complete secret. WHO might it be? You'll just have to come in and find out for yourself!


IT'S AS IF WE WERE ALL STILL AT THE ODEON!
MYSTERY GUEST(?!?)
DINOSAURS EAT RICH PEOPLE!
COOL PRIZES!
AGUA GIVEAWAYS!
CELEBRATED SCIENCE SYMPOSIUM:
Avant -garde ASTRONOMY
Dazzling DEMONOLOGY
Erudite ETYMOLOGY
Encyclopaedic ENTOMOLOGY
Paideutic PALEONTOLOGY
 ALL BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND!!
GAGS! GROANS! GOOF-OFFS! GIRLS! GIGGLES! GRANDIOSE GRANDILOQUENCE!

-------------- YOU are invited: -------------
Join Dr. Hal & the gang as we celebrate
OUR TWELFTH HOUSE OF SHOWMANSHIP
WEDNESDAY NIGHT
DEC. 6th!
BEE THEIR OAR B SQUARE

COMPLETELY FREE? HELL NO-- IT COSTS SEVEN DOLLARS!

OK, big deal-- it costs seven dollars. What's that? A bean burrito and beer, or the rough equivalent. And this tatty, tawdry seven dollars will admit you to an ENTIRE EVENING'S entertainment-- including...

A FABULOUS CABINET OF CURIOSITIES
comprising

Astronomical Revelations, Prophecy, Pedantry, Poetry, a Multi-Media Barrage, Mind-breaking Special Effects, Fabulous Opening Acts, a Prehistoric Beast on the Rampage, a Mystic Mystery Guest, Science, Sorcery and Sophistry. While Celebrating, get Food & Drink-- Enjoy our Freshly Made Pizza. Come one, come all. I, Dr. Howland Owll, deny that I have any "magic powers" whatsoever, though people will believe what they will. But I do promise and hereby affirm that I shall answer any question asked from the audience. How do I do it? I employ a synthesis of SubGenius doctrine and esoteric communion with the ghostly shadows of the universe. That should explain it. Don't worry; it's also not mandatory that you participate in the show-- you can just come and... watch, if you want. So come on to the show, and prepare yourself for answers, rants, Side Notes, Internet Oddities, Bardic Recitations, Speed Rounds, Gorilla Suits, Agua Giveaways-- and, folded deftly into the entire continuum:

Pete Goldie's Science Report!
Learn'd Astronomer and Boffo Boffin Pete Goldie provokes and stimulates with his unrivaled Stellar Peep-Show. Yes, these are gorgeous Heavenly Bodies, Ladies and Germs, nakedly exposed against the velvet curtain of Space, burning and blazing in the depths of Eternal Night. A quondam NASA consultant, "Science Stud" Dr. Goldie is also a raconteur, artificer and craftsman, and a delver into mysteries of natural philosophy. The well-known bon vivant and astro-science specialist gives us astonishing pictures from worlds never before viewed by human eyes-- transmitted by robots who are now busily exploring Outer Space. You'll be spellbound as, with their assistance, Pete will set before your baby blues (or burnt-umber browns) uncanny landscapes of the exterior solar system. Oh, you might, if lucky, happen upon some blurred, monochrome image in the newspaper or a goofy, pre-packaged sixty-second "Feature" on Conspiracy TV, while channel-surfing, of the "latest release" from N.A.S.A. of some tantalizing tidbit of Science Discovery. Guess what? In all likelihood, these images have already been seen, thanks to Pete, in sumptuous and exquisite detail, by the enlightened audiences of the Ask Dr. Hal! show months earlier! And that's not all! Special probable appearance by the simian "Brazilian Astronaut!"

KrOB's Mesmerizing Movie Monstrosities Marathon...
Actually, it's uncertain what they are. They aren't movies, though they might've been... once. But once you look into the pulsating, whirling vortex, you'll be his. Yes, KrOB takes no prisoners. And before, during and after our show, from his super-complicated Command Console he pipes in an astonishing videosonic smorgasbord to accompany the show's variations, adumbrations, elaborations, ruminations and fulgurations.

Chicken John, Yeoman of the Showmen...
From his secret Army St. atelier on Cesar Chavez St., impresario Chicken John, last of the great Ringmasters of Outré Arts, hatches his plans to conquer new worlds. On the show, however, he's fairly affable most of the time, a dispenser of homilies and Agua, the coca-leaf based, so-called "Miracle Liquid." The scratchy-voiced, oft-bibulous (or whipetted) Chicken is the Opener of the Way as well as the Goodnight Man, the Alpha as well as the Omega. Sometimes he puts everybody at the show on his bus and drives off with them in search of rare and secret entertainment. That's what he did last time (Nov. 29th)! Too bad if you missed it. We had a blast!

Dr. Howland Owll...
Sees all. Knows all. Tells all. Scientific, educational. Healthful, revivifying, nutritive. Take cum grano salis. Results may vary. Does not (usually) stain clothing. No complicated machinery to buy.  Anyone can play. Fun for the whole family (if, that is, the whole family is of legal drinking age). Pencils, envelopes and question slips provided free of charge. No pushy salesman will call. Looking for love. Quotes the poets. Witty, bawdy, topical. Broadcast live on Pirate Cat Radio 87.9 FM. Will tell you your Totem Animal. Hypnotic and horrific. Reads tea leaves and T-shirts. Author of several books and comic books. Foretells the future, casts spells, locates missing objects, heals, sickens, communicates with the Spirit World, knows the Meaning of Life and the secrets of human hearts in this world and the next. Will design your tattoo.

David Capurro...
IJ (Internet Jockey) Capurro, also known for his alter-identity Yo-Yo Pro, one of the original Monsters of Yo-Yo and Master Yo-Yo Manipulator extraordinaire, keeps the show connected to the digital world, all the while scheming to bilk Chicken of as many free shots as his inserted questions can receive, as they are rewarded in this curious fashion for their excellence and entertainment value. What a sense of humor the guy has. But I guess you really have to be there to appreciate this...

Frank Chu...
A Voice Crying in the Wilderness. A Man with a Sign. An impassioned prophet. A crank. A lunatic. A man with a message. A featured regular in his segment of the Ask Dr. Hal! show.

Mr. (or Ms.) Mystery...
This week also, Chicken isn't being all that forthcoming about our featured Special Guest performer. To be blunt, I can't get the name out of him.You know, it's harder to write this thing sometimes than it ought to be...

For Immediate Release:
San Francisco-- As Ask Dr. Hal! leaps ecstatically into its twelfth episode at 12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission Street near 22nd, excited patrons are swarming, fluttering, flocking and congregating to attend  that brave new Boho watering hole in ever-expanding numbers. Last week's Dr. Hal's Super-Special Exclusive 56th Birthday Show (see The Dr. Hal Weekly-Dispatch, Vol. VII, No. 12) climaxed in a spectacular Bus Ride, all the way to Serra Bowl in scenic Daly City, where, although the legendary Pon-a-dour guy wasn't there to keep the bar open and dole out the alley gunboats, a splendid time was had by all. This week, surprises of a different sort are to be expected. And take note: our new and improved show promises to be at Ten PM sharp, a time fewer people profess to find more than ordinarily inconvenient.

Attack of the Giant Carnosaur-- Tyrannosaurus rex!
Until recently, Tyrannosaurus rex was the biggest known carnivorous dinosaur; Giganotosaurus and Carcharodontosaurus, essentially scaled-up allosaurs, are now known to have been slightly bigger! But this big beast has a secure spot in the folklore of this nation, where her bones were first discovered. Some scientists consider the slightly older Tarbosaurus bataar from Asia to represent a second species of Tyrannosaurus, while others maintain Tarbosaurus as a separate genus. But like other tyrannosaurids, Tyrannosaurus was a bipedal carnivore with a massive skull balanced by a long, heavy tail. Relative to the large and powerful hind limbs, the distinctive Tyrannosaurus forelimbs were preposterously small and, whittled down by evolutionary forces, retained only two digits from the basal reptilian five-fingered hand, the thumb (digit 1) and index finger (digit 2). Although other theropods rivaled or exceeded T. rex in size, she was the largest known tyrannosaurid, and in fact one of the largest known land predators, measuring over 12 meters (40 feet) in length-- and weighing as much or more than the largest full-grown elephant. There is fossil evidence, in the form of enormous teeth recovered from late Cretaceous formations, that this famous monster grew even larger still (see Gregory Paul's essential, though out-of-print work, Predatory Dinosaurs of the World). Don't listen to widely distributed sound bites from certain cranky pop paleontologists, devoted debunkers, who claim she was just a fat, old scavenger. They're just jealous of the attention she receives. In a world of giants, she was a giant killer, according to my view. She's also the subject of an oft-requested song by ultra-hip superstar Jascha Ephraim.
Fossils of this taxon have been found in North American rock formations dating to the very end of the Cretaceous Period (late Maastrichtian, 65 million years before Ask Dr. Hal!); she was among the last dinosaurs to exist prior to the terrible Cretaceous-Tertiary "extinction event." More than 30 specimens of T. rex have now been identified, some nearly complete, which has allowed significant research into many aspects of her biology, including her life history and biomechanics. The feeding habits and potential speed of T. rex remain controversial. Now you can see her rampage through a modern metropolis. Watch as she chases visiting Japanese businessmen (who, ironically, came to America to get away from that sort of thing), devours a small dog, one poor schlub who's just trying to make a phone call, and many others. Come and check it out, courtesy of this latest KrOB "edit," at our show. At what other night club show could you see such a thing? Just make time to be there Wednesday night at 12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission St. near 22nd. If you missed seeing some of these prehistoric critters the last time, well, Pilgrim, you have one more chance...


here's an excerpt from the eleventh week --> ((( mp3 )))